Romeo & Juliet: Retweeted

There have been numerous recent twitterfeuds – The Kardashians, Lily Allen vs Katie Hopkins but what if twitter had been around 400 years ago? Would Romeo & Juliet have been any different? What if Shakespeare had been on twitter….

Shakespeare

Hiya… got idea 4 new play: 2 families @ war, their kids fall in luv & everyone dies. Bit Jeremy Kyle but < 2 hours. Better than it sounds

ShakespeareStory starts wiv twitter spat btw Benvolio (Montagues) & Tybalt (Capulets). May have 2 cut quite a bit – think it works better on stage tbh

***VERONA ONLINE***

 

Benvolio@Tybalt_Capult Stop windin me & the other #Montagues up u muppet
TybaltUr the muppet @Ben_Mon2gu so SHUT IT u minger!!!!!

Benvolio

No u shut it. Get back under ur bridge U TROLL!!!!!

TybaltNo U SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!! #getalife

Lord CapuletWassup bitches

Lady CapuletOi #Montagues don’t mess wiv #Capulets or ill kick u in the nuts

Lord MontagueUr bitches started it @The_Lord_Kaput from wot I heard

Lady MontagueU aint no lady @The_Lady_Kaput ur a fat medieval #trollop

Benvolio@Romeo_Mong2u Yo, cuz u ok?

RomeoNot really in mood for chattin cuz

BenvolioAw, soz 2 hear @Romeo_Mong2u….wassup?

RomeoBirds m8. Rosaline…she just ain’t into me cuz. #Gutted tbh

BenvolioRosaline is WAY out of ur league. Don’t put all yo eggs in one basket. Ya get me blood?

Shakespeare
@Paris_TheCount wants 2 marry @The_Lord_Kaput’s daughter. She is nearly 14 & STILL not married – bit far fetched lol

ParisU sold your daughter in2 wedlock yet?

Lord CapuletU know she’s still 13 right?

ParisBit past it yeah?

Lord CapuletWe havin a sleepover if u wanna come? If u don’t fancy her, her mates r gonna b there 2? tweet u deets l8r

@MASS_TWEET_ALL
party 2nite ALL welcome. Pls wear masks. #noirish #nodogs #nomontagues pls RT

Retweet

Benvolio

@Romeo_Mong2u u seen this? U should go – Rosaline’s gonna b there & u can see what a minger she is close up

RomeoPMSL u sarcastic git… U got a mask I can brrw? Assume u got sum cos u is ugly

Lady Capulet

@Nurse_Booby is @Juliet_Kaput with u? Also, when r u changin ur stupid twitter handle?

NurseWill change it as soon as u pay me the national medieval livin wage @The_Lady_Kaput – 2 goats an hour

Lady Capulet@Juliet_Kaput – Dad is having a party 4u. @Paris_TheCount is coming & he well fancies u £££££ #kerching he’s minted!

JulietMom…I’m thirteen ffs!!!!
Lady CapuletExactly.

MEANWHILE…

RomeoWhat u wearin 2 the masked ball @Ben_Mong2u & @Mercutio_BFF

Mercutio
Er…Masks? …since its a masked ball u numpty. Gimp masks r ok but NO Ninja Turtles after last time eh?

BenvolioMeet outside #Capulets in 5 min @Ben_Mon2gu & @Mercutio_BFF

INT. PARTY @ THE CAPULETS

Lord CapuletYo bitches!!!! Help urselves 2 #vol-au-vents and #babycham – Lets get this party started!

Romeo@Tybalt_Kaput ur cuz is a total minx!!

Tybalt@Romeo_Mong2u? WTF r u doing here? Ur disguise is crap btw. Seriously? Batman?

Lord Capulet@The_TybaltCapulet just leave it. Don’t want no vol-au-vents on this carpet. It’s from John Lewis.

Romeo@Juliet_Kaput Saw u lookin 🙂 🙂 OMG ur a total babe. Lovin the Lion King look. Fancy gettin a room?

JulietThink ur a hottie 2 but can we take fings slow @Romeo_Mong2u Lets just swap religious-based tweets for a bit?

Romeo@Juliet_Kaput sure so long as we can get a room after yeah?

Juliet

@Romeo_Mong2u Oh alright. But no under the bra action till I’m 14 yeah?

Juliet@Romeo_Mong2u btw…u a Montagu 4 real???

RomeoYeah!!!

Juliet#awkward

Benvolio@Romeo_Mong2u where u gone cuz?

Mercutio@Ben_Mon2gu dont bother. He’s being a twat moonin over some sort in a Lion King costume

Shakespeare

R & J take it outside 2 balcony…think will look nice on stage with some candles?

Romeo

Yo @Juliet_Kaputu r like the sun and moon – I can see rite up ur skirt from here

JulietUr a dirty boy

Romeo

Can u let me in?

Juliet

@Romeo_Mong2u, @Romeo_Mong2u! wherefore art thou @Romeo_Mong2u? lol

Romeo

Am downstairs. Can I use ur loo b4 I p my pants?

JulietDo u fancy me?

Romeo

Yeah. Ur fit. U married?

JulietNah. U?

Romeo

Nah. U fancy it?

Juliet

Bit sudden….Ok. When?

Romeo Pretty free 2mrw?

Juliet

Cool. Better go. You hang up first.

Romeo

No you hang up

Juliet

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

Friar_Laurence’s gaff

Romeo

Yo @Friar_Laurence hows it hangin?

Friar Laurence

Good here. U? Ur up early u dirty stop out lol

Romeo

Yeah bin up all nite wiv @Juliet_Kaput – prob getting married 2mrw. U still doin weddings?

Friar Laurence

Yeah. Can prob fit u in 2mrw. U sure u wanna get married to a #Capulet tho?

Romeo
Yeah.

Friar Laurence
Might help sort out this #twitterfeud

OUTSIDE

Benvolio

@Romeo_Mong2u where u at?

Mercutio

Thx for droppin us last nite. Some mate u r

Romeo

Soz @Mercutio_BFF both hands was busy

Mercutio

U no if u use it too much it drops off rite?

Romeo

PMSL u r so funny

Nurse

NE1 got the time? need 2 no what o’clock it is and I still can’t figure out roman numerals

Mercutio

@Nurse_Booby the little hand is on the X and the big hand is on ur bottom

Nurse

Rude @Mercutio_BFF…… @Romeo_Mong2u @Juliet_Kaput wants to no if u still up 4 wedding?

Romeo

Yeah def still up 4 it…what about this afternoon?

Nurse

Lovely

 

Friar Laurence

@Romeo_Mong2u &  @Juliet_Kaput – u still up for this? Might be bit of family drama

Juliet

@Friar_Laurence can we just get on with it? Gonna b 14 at this rate

Friar Laurence

I now pronounce u man and wife. U may kiss the bride….can I watch? Just for a bit like??

A public place

Benvolio
Gonna catch some zzzs @Mercutio_BFF. I’m hotter than a witch’s tit on a bonfire

Mercutio

Thought u was up for a bitch-off with the #Capulets? There dissin u from wot I heard

Benvolio

@The_TybaltCapulet that true? U bin dissin me?

Tybalt

Wot u gonna do about it @Ben_Mon2gu? U and @Mercutio_BFF sittin in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g

Mercutio

Come here an say that you bitch

Tybalt

@Romeo_Mong2u u better get ur bitches off my twitter feed b4 I block u

Romeo

@The_TybaltCapulet can we sort this out w/o resorting to blocking peeps?

Shakespeare

Rude xchange of insults. Finally goes too far and @The_TybaltCapulet gets @Mercutio_BFF’s account deleted

Romeo
OMG @The_TybaltCapulet …you deleted @Mercutio_BFF! You b’stard!

Benvolio
@The_TybaltCapulet u complete bitch.

Romeo

@The_TybaltCapulet I am really cross wiv u

Shakespeare

 They fight; @Romeo_Mong2u reports @The_TybaltCapulet to twitter and his account is also permanently deleted.

Benvolio
@Romeo_Mong2u u better go offline for a bit… The #Capulets are gonna be sooooo cross

Romeo

O, I am fortune’s fool!

Lady Capulet

@Romeo_Mong2u did u get @The_TybaltCapulet deleted off twitter??????

Benvolio

Yeah but no but yeah cos @The_TybaltCapulet was a right tit-weasel @The_Lady_Kaput and he got @Mercutio_BFF deleted first

Lady Capulet

@Ben_Mon2gu U better get @Romeo_Mong2u off twitter before I get him deleted too.

Juliet

@Nurse_Booby, what’s going on?

Nurse

There’s been a deletion from twitter.

Juliet
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not @Romeo_Mong2u????

Nurse

No…ur cuz @The_TybaltCapulet – his account has been permanently deleted!

Juliet

Phew….. @Nurse_Booby I figured u meant @Romeo_Mong2u

Nurse
@The_TybaltCapulet is deleted, and @Romeo_Mong2u is suspended

Juliet

O God! did @Romeo_Mong2u’s hand delete @The_TybaltCapulet’s account?

Nurse

Yes. Little sod. U better keep ur distance.

Juliet

Sposed to be goin on honeymoon 2nite. Just doubt we can get refund on room this late 😦 😦

@Friar_Laurence’s Gaff

Friar Laurence

@Romeo_Mong2u u online?

Romeo

@Friar_Laurence yeah why?

Friar Laurence

@Romeo_Mong2u u better go to txt if we get cut off…they r gonna block ur 4G

Romeo
OMG can they do that??????????????

Friar Laurence

@Romeo_Mong2u what did u expect #Capulets 2 do when u got @The_TybaltCapulet deleted??

Nurse

@Friar_Laurence U THERE??  Got a msg from @The_Lady_Kaput for @Romeo_Mong2u. Assume he is with u?

Friar Laurence

Whats the msg?

Nurse

@Juliet_Kaput wants to see him. And tell him from me he’s a twat.

IN THE CAPULET’S HOUSE 

Lord Capulet

Soz about @Juliet_Kaput. She’s don’t wanna see no-one….she’s sulking bout her cuz.

Paris

No worries. Am pretty free this week so can pop in l8r?

Lord Capulet

Another Party @ ours Thurs?. U still up 4 marrying  @Juliet_Kaput

Paris

Course….U think we should ask her first?

Lord Capulet

Nah. She never does much Thursdays.

Shakespeare

Back 2 balcony – thinkin if we r building set may as well get sum use??

Juliet

@Romeo_Mong2u u still up? Heard they was suspendin ur twitter acct? Also my dad is trying 2 block ur 4g

Romeo
@Juliet_Kaput yeah i no… Better be quick tho b4 they notice I’m still online 🙂 🙂

Juliet

Can’t buhleev we aint gonna be able 2 tweet more just coz 1 person got deleted 😦

Romeo
@Juliet_Kaput soz. This sucks.

Nurse

@Juliet_Kaput… ur mum’s on the warpath – u better get offline…

Juliet

@Romeo_Mong2u2 msg me later yeah if u still got signal?

Lady Capulet

@Juliet_Kaput r u up?

Juliet
Yeah but not feelin all that gr8

Lady Capulet

Ur dad has fixed u an arranged marriage with Paris_TheCount. U better keep Thurs free.

Juliet
Not that keen tbh mom

Lady Capulet
U better msg ur Dad then…He already booked a Take That tribute.

Lord Capulet
@Juliet_Kaput ur mum tells me u don’t want an arranged marriage? #ungrateful

Juliet
U r such helicopter parents

Lord Capulet
U r getting married on Thurs @Juliet_Kaput whatevs. Get used 2 it.

Friar Laurence

@Paris_TheCount  I hear ur getting married 2 @Juliet_Kaput Thurs?!! #trickysituation

Paris
Her Dad said she’s been a bit whiny lately – his idea tbh. Gonna msg her now.

Paris
Hi @Juliet_Kaput. Looking fwd to seeing u @ wedding on Thurs.

Juliet
No offence…but normally wash my hair thurs??

Paris
Er….ok… See u thurs. Spose at least u’ll have clean hair #Timotei

Juliet
@Friar_Laurence U got any ideas? Feel like deletin my prof 2 #totaldisaster #alreadymarried2romeo

Friar Laurence

Guess we cd pretend u deleted ur account but just suspend it & reactivate l8r?

Juliet
@Friar_Laurence ur a FRIGGIN GENIUS!!!!! Will tell mom I’m ok wiv weddin 2 buy sum time.

Lord Capulet

@Juliet_Kaput where u at?

Juliet

Hi pops. chatted wiv @Friar_Laurence & guess I was bein a cow so I’ll marry @Paris_TheCount if u want

Lord Capulet

Good @Juliet_Kaput will msg @Paris_TheCount & tell him wedding back on

Nurse

@Juliet_Kaput u want me to help u pick out an outfit for 2mrw? We can go up Westfield if u want?

Juliet

Thx @Nurse_Booby but Id rather try ebay – u mind if I just hang out on my own 2nite?

Nurse

@Juliet_Kaput spose if that’s wot u want 😦

A FEW MINUTES LATER…

Juliet

Hi everyone…am permanently deletin my account. Soz to those who all those who added me on fb and followed me on twitter.

Nurse

OMFG……@The_Lady_Kaput….U SEEN THIS!?!? @Juliet_Kaput just deleted herself!!!!!

Lady Capulet

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Lord Capulet

#probablyshouldhaveseenthiscomin

Paris

What happened to @Juliet_Kaput? Just went online & can’t find her profile???

Lady Capulet

😦 @Juliet_Kaput is kaput @Paris_TheCount – Looks like #weddingoftheyear off again. U want some cheese&pineapple on sticks?

Nurse

Did somebody say pineapple?????

MUCH LATER…

Romeo

@Juliet_Kaput? U there? Can’t seem to find u online?

Balthasar

@Romeo_Mong2u. Soz mate. Heard @Juliet_Kaput she deleted herself online. Either that or she blocked u?

Romeo

hearbreak

Balthasar

Don’t do nowt silly mate. U dunno 4 sure

Romeo

@The_A.P_OCary u about?

Apothecary

@Romeo_Mong2u long time no chat… what u after – the usual?

Romeo

@The_A.P_OCary Nah m8…u got sum of that stuff they give horses?

Apothecary

@Romeo_Mong2u Bit dodge tho bruv – u take this it can snuff u out. Not that happy 2 deal it tbh

Romeo

@Romeo_Mong2u U need the $ – I need the stuff. Can pay u in bitcoins if u want?

Apothecary
@Romeo_Mong2u Just between us rite?

Friar Laurence

@Friar_John did u give Romeo that very  urgent message I asked u 2 tellin him not to kill himself?

Friar JohnOops.

Friar Laurence

@Friar_John Bugger! Well I’d better get to @Juliet_Kaput before she finds out…

Romeo

@Paris_TheCount I hear u was gonna marry @Juliet_Kaput??? & Now she deleted herself??? UR A DEAD MAN WALKING

Paris

No UR A DEAD MAN

Romeo

@Paris_TheCount No UR. I just hacked ur account…. BYE BYE

Romeo
Actually feel a bit bad now… Ending it. That’s all folks

Friar Laurence

@Romeo_Mong2u! Who else u gonna delete??? This is like the twitter chainsaw massacre!

Juliet

Hey all. Back online 🙂 🙂 Where is my @Romeo_Mong2u

Friar Laurence

Soz lovely…all gone pear shaped. Basically everyones bin deleted  & @Romeo_Mong2u has snuffed it

Juliet

#gutted. Gonna stab myself in the boob

Friar Laurence

This weren’t my fault. You can check my twitter feed.

Lord Montague

You reckon we ought to call off this feud @The_Lord_Kaput?

Lord Capulet

Might be an idea @The_LordMong2u

Shakespeare

A glooming peace this morning brings; to have more talk of these sad things;
4 such a tale of wrong u do @Juliet_Kaput and @Romeo_Mongu2

Shakespeare

THE END.
I added the poem bit at the end What u think? Cd maybe do a musical after if u like it??