There have been numerous recent twitterfeuds – The Kardashians, Lily Allen vs Katie Hopkins but what if twitter had been around 400 years ago? Would Romeo & Juliet have been any different? What if Shakespeare had been on twitter….
Hiya… got idea 4 new play: 2 families @ war, their kids fall in luv & everyone dies. Bit Jeremy Kyle but < 2 hours. Better than it sounds
Story starts wiv twitter spat btw Benvolio (Montagues) & Tybalt (Capulets). May have 2 cut quite a bit – think it works better on stage tbh
***VERONA ONLINE***
@Tybalt_Capult Stop windin me & the other #Montagues up u muppet
Ur the muppet @Ben_Mon2gu so SHUT IT u minger!!!!!
No u shut it. Get back under ur bridge U TROLL!!!!!
No U SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!! #getalife
Wassup bitches
Oi #Montagues don’t mess wiv #Capulets or ill kick u in the nuts
Ur bitches started it @The_Lord_Kaput from wot I heard
U aint no lady @The_Lady_Kaput ur a fat medieval #trollop
@Romeo_Mong2u Yo, cuz u ok?
Not really in mood for chattin cuz
Aw, soz 2 hear @Romeo_Mong2u….wassup?
Birds m8. Rosaline…she just ain’t into me cuz. #Gutted tbh
Rosaline is WAY out of ur league. Don’t put all yo eggs in one basket. Ya get me blood?
@Paris_TheCount wants 2 marry @The_Lord_Kaput’s daughter. She is nearly 14 & STILL not married – bit far fetched lol
U sold your daughter in2 wedlock yet?
U know she’s still 13 right?
Bit past it yeah?
We havin a sleepover if u wanna come? If u don’t fancy her, her mates r gonna b there 2? tweet u deets l8r
@MASS_TWEET_ALL
party 2nite ALL welcome. Pls wear masks. #noirish #nodogs #nomontagues pls RT
@Romeo_Mong2u u seen this? U should go – Rosaline’s gonna b there & u can see what a minger she is close up
PMSL u sarcastic git… U got a mask I can brrw? Assume u got sum cos u is ugly
@Nurse_Booby is @Juliet_Kaput with u? Also, when r u changin ur stupid twitter handle?
Will change it as soon as u pay me the national medieval livin wage @The_Lady_Kaput – 2 goats an hour
@Juliet_Kaput – Dad is having a party 4u. @Paris_TheCount is coming & he well fancies u £££££ #kerching he’s minted!
Mom…I’m thirteen ffs!!!!
Exactly.
MEANWHILE…
What u wearin 2 the masked ball @Ben_Mong2u & @Mercutio_BFF
Er…Masks? …since its a masked ball u numpty. Gimp masks r ok but NO Ninja Turtles after last time eh?
Meet outside #Capulets in 5 min @Ben_Mon2gu & @Mercutio_BFF
INT. PARTY @ THE CAPULETS
Yo bitches!!!! Help urselves 2 #vol-au-vents and #babycham – Lets get this party started!
@Tybalt_Kaput ur cuz is a total minx!!
@Romeo_Mong2u? WTF r u doing here? Ur disguise is crap btw. Seriously? Batman?
@The_TybaltCapulet just leave it. Don’t want no vol-au-vents on this carpet. It’s from John Lewis.
@Juliet_Kaput Saw u lookin 🙂 🙂 OMG ur a total babe. Lovin the Lion King look. Fancy gettin a room?
Think ur a hottie 2 but can we take fings slow @Romeo_Mong2u Lets just swap religious-based tweets for a bit?
@Juliet_Kaput sure so long as we can get a room after yeah?
@Romeo_Mong2u Oh alright. But no under the bra action till I’m 14 yeah?
@Romeo_Mong2u btw…u a Montagu 4 real???
Yeah!!!
#awkward
@Romeo_Mong2u where u gone cuz?
@Ben_Mon2gu dont bother. He’s being a twat moonin over some sort in a Lion King costume
R & J take it outside 2 balcony…think will look nice on stage with some candles?
Yo @Juliet_Kaputu r like the sun and moon – I can see rite up ur skirt from here
Ur a dirty boy
Can u let me in?
@Romeo_Mong2u, @Romeo_Mong2u! wherefore art thou @Romeo_Mong2u? lol
Am downstairs. Can I use ur loo b4 I p my pants?
Do u fancy me?
Yeah. Ur fit. U married?
Nah. U?
Nah. U fancy it?
Bit sudden….Ok. When?
Pretty free 2mrw?
Cool. Better go. You hang up first.
No you hang up
Parting is such sweet sorrow.
Friar_Laurence’s gaff
Yo @Friar_Laurence hows it hangin?
Good here. U? Ur up early u dirty stop out lol
Yeah bin up all nite wiv @Juliet_Kaput – prob getting married 2mrw. U still doin weddings?
Yeah. Can prob fit u in 2mrw. U sure u wanna get married to a #Capulet tho?
Yeah.
Might help sort out this #twitterfeud
OUTSIDE
@Romeo_Mong2u where u at?
Thx for droppin us last nite. Some mate u r
Soz @Mercutio_BFF both hands was busy
U no if u use it too much it drops off rite?
PMSL u r so funny
NE1 got the time? need 2 no what o’clock it is and I still can’t figure out roman numerals
@Nurse_Booby the little hand is on the X and the big hand is on ur bottom
Rude @Mercutio_BFF…… @Romeo_Mong2u @Juliet_Kaput wants to no if u still up 4 wedding?
Yeah def still up 4 it…what about this afternoon?
Lovely
@Romeo_Mong2u & @Juliet_Kaput – u still up for this? Might be bit of family drama
@Friar_Laurence can we just get on with it? Gonna b 14 at this rate
I now pronounce u man and wife. U may kiss the bride….can I watch? Just for a bit like??
A public place
Gonna catch some zzzs @Mercutio_BFF. I’m hotter than a witch’s tit on a bonfire
Thought u was up for a bitch-off with the #Capulets? There dissin u from wot I heard
@The_TybaltCapulet that true? U bin dissin me?
Wot u gonna do about it @Ben_Mon2gu? U and @Mercutio_BFF sittin in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g
Come here an say that you bitch
@Romeo_Mong2u u better get ur bitches off my twitter feed b4 I block u
@The_TybaltCapulet can we sort this out w/o resorting to blocking peeps?
Rude xchange of insults. Finally goes too far and @The_TybaltCapulet gets @Mercutio_BFF’s account deleted
OMG @The_TybaltCapulet …you deleted @Mercutio_BFF! You b’stard!
@The_TybaltCapulet u complete bitch.
@The_TybaltCapulet I am really cross wiv u
They fight; @Romeo_Mong2u reports @The_TybaltCapulet to twitter and his account is also permanently deleted.
@Romeo_Mong2u u better go offline for a bit… The #Capulets are gonna be sooooo cross
O, I am fortune’s fool!
@Romeo_Mong2u did u get @The_TybaltCapulet deleted off twitter??????
Yeah but no but yeah cos @The_TybaltCapulet was a right tit-weasel @The_Lady_Kaput and he got @Mercutio_BFF deleted first
@Ben_Mon2gu U better get @Romeo_Mong2u off twitter before I get him deleted too.
@Nurse_Booby, what’s going on?
There’s been a deletion from twitter.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not @Romeo_Mong2u????
No…ur cuz @The_TybaltCapulet – his account has been permanently deleted!
Phew….. @Nurse_Booby I figured u meant @Romeo_Mong2u
@The_TybaltCapulet is deleted, and @Romeo_Mong2u is suspended
O God! did @Romeo_Mong2u’s hand delete @The_TybaltCapulet’s account?
Yes. Little sod. U better keep ur distance.
Sposed to be goin on honeymoon 2nite. Just doubt we can get refund on room this late 🙁 🙁
@Friar_Laurence’s Gaff
@Romeo_Mong2u u online?
@Friar_Laurence yeah why?
@Romeo_Mong2u u better go to txt if we get cut off…they r gonna block ur 4G
OMG can they do that??????????????
@Romeo_Mong2u what did u expect #Capulets 2 do when u got @The_TybaltCapulet deleted??
@Friar_Laurence U THERE?? Got a msg from @The_Lady_Kaput for @Romeo_Mong2u. Assume he is with u?
Whats the msg?
@Juliet_Kaput wants to see him. And tell him from me he’s a twat.
IN THE CAPULET’S HOUSE
Soz about @Juliet_Kaput. She’s don’t wanna see no-one….she’s sulking bout her cuz.
No worries. Am pretty free this week so can pop in l8r?
Another Party @ ours Thurs?. U still up 4 marrying @Juliet_Kaput
Course….U think we should ask her first?
Nah. She never does much Thursdays.
Back 2 balcony – thinkin if we r building set may as well get sum use??
@Romeo_Mong2u u still up? Heard they was suspendin ur twitter acct? Also my dad is trying 2 block ur 4g
@Juliet_Kaput yeah i no… Better be quick tho b4 they notice I’m still online 🙂 🙂
Can’t buhleev we aint gonna be able 2 tweet more just coz 1 person got deleted 🙁
@Juliet_Kaput soz. This sucks.
@Juliet_Kaput… ur mum’s on the warpath – u better get offline…
@Romeo_Mong2u2 msg me later yeah if u still got signal?
@Juliet_Kaput r u up?
Yeah but not feelin all that gr8
Ur dad has fixed u an arranged marriage with Paris_TheCount. U better keep Thurs free.
Not that keen tbh mom
U better msg ur Dad then…He already booked a Take That tribute.
@Juliet_Kaput ur mum tells me u don’t want an arranged marriage? #ungrateful
U r such helicopter parents
U r getting married on Thurs @Juliet_Kaput whatevs. Get used 2 it.
@Paris_TheCount I hear ur getting married 2 @Juliet_Kaput Thurs?!! #trickysituation
Her Dad said she’s been a bit whiny lately – his idea tbh. Gonna msg her now.
Hi @Juliet_Kaput. Looking fwd to seeing u @ wedding on Thurs.
No offence…but normally wash my hair thurs??
Er….ok… See u thurs. Spose at least u’ll have clean hair #Timotei
@Friar_Laurence U got any ideas? Feel like deletin my prof 2 #totaldisaster #alreadymarried2romeo
Guess we cd pretend u deleted ur account but just suspend it & reactivate l8r?
@Friar_Laurence ur a FRIGGIN GENIUS!!!!! Will tell mom I’m ok wiv weddin 2 buy sum time.
@Juliet_Kaput where u at?
Hi pops. chatted wiv @Friar_Laurence & guess I was bein a cow so I’ll marry @Paris_TheCount if u want
Good @Juliet_Kaput will msg @Paris_TheCount & tell him wedding back on
@Juliet_Kaput u want me to help u pick out an outfit for 2mrw? We can go up Westfield if u want?
Thx @Nurse_Booby but Id rather try ebay – u mind if I just hang out on my own 2nite?
@Juliet_Kaput spose if that’s wot u want 🙁
A FEW MINUTES LATER…
Hi everyone…am permanently deletin my account. Soz to those who all those who added me on fb and followed me on twitter.
OMFG……@The_Lady_Kaput….U SEEN THIS!?!? @Juliet_Kaput just deleted herself!!!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
#probablyshouldhaveseenthiscomin
What happened to @Juliet_Kaput? Just went online & can’t find her profile???
🙁 @Juliet_Kaput is kaput @Paris_TheCount – Looks like #weddingoftheyear off again. U want some cheese&pineapple on sticks?
Did somebody say pineapple?????
MUCH LATER…
@Juliet_Kaput? U there? Can’t seem to find u online?
@Romeo_Mong2u. Soz mate. Heard @Juliet_Kaput she deleted herself online. Either that or she blocked u?
Don’t do nowt silly mate. U dunno 4 sure
@The_A.P_OCary u about?
@Romeo_Mong2u long time no chat… what u after – the usual?
@The_A.P_OCary Nah m8…u got sum of that stuff they give horses?
@Romeo_Mong2u Bit dodge tho bruv – u take this it can snuff u out. Not that happy 2 deal it tbh
@Romeo_Mong2u U need the $ – I need the stuff. Can pay u in bitcoins if u want?
@Romeo_Mong2u Just between us rite?
@Friar_John did u give Romeo that very urgent message I asked u 2 tellin him not to kill himself?
Oops.
@Friar_John Bugger! Well I’d better get to @Juliet_Kaput before she finds out…
@Paris_TheCount I hear u was gonna marry @Juliet_Kaput??? & Now she deleted herself??? UR A DEAD MAN WALKING
No UR A DEAD MAN
@Paris_TheCount No UR. I just hacked ur account…. BYE BYE
Actually feel a bit bad now… Ending it. That’s all folks
@Romeo_Mong2u! Who else u gonna delete??? This is like the twitter chainsaw massacre!
Hey all. Back online 🙂 🙂 Where is my @Romeo_Mong2u
Soz lovely…all gone pear shaped. Basically everyones bin deleted & @Romeo_Mong2u has snuffed it
#gutted. Gonna stab myself in the boob
This weren’t my fault. You can check my twitter feed.
You reckon we ought to call off this feud @The_Lord_Kaput?
Might be an idea @The_LordMong2u
A glooming peace this morning brings; to have more talk of these sad things;
4 such a tale of wrong u do @Juliet_Kaput and @Romeo_Mongu2
THE END.
I added the poem bit at the end What u think? Cd maybe do a musical after if u like it??
