Princess Eugenie in West End Brexit Shock

One Princess and at least two West End theatres may be forced to change their names following the removal of the EU from all words. Chauffeurs and Amateur Theatre Groups are also holding emergency meetings to decide what to call themselves following last Thursday’s in/out referendum.

Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson are said to be in “crisis talks” with Downing Street and may give their youngest daughter an emergency name as the removal of the EU from British words begins. A source close to Princess Eugenie (or “Dave” as she will be temporarily known) said “she had always preferred boys names and would probably be pleased”.

The EUrythmics are also to be renamed “Chav & Dave”. Annie Lennox was in a pickle factory and unavailable for comment.

Many words such as “Eucalyptus” and “Liquers” may also need to be changed following last Thursday’s vote or risk an outright ban.

Britain's Koalas: May need to change diet to scones.
Britain’s Koalas: May need to change diet to scones.

Not everyone is a loser though. Dictionary publishers may receive a surprise boost, with millions of copies of current editions needing to be reprinted to include the word Brexit and remove the letters E and U.

West End audiences are worried, and a spokesperson for Theatreland (actually a lady we asked in Boots near Piccadilly Circus) said “I’m scared. The Coliseum and the Lyceum will have to take down their letters and they’re bound to have to put up the price of ice creams at the Lion King.”

Another theatregoer said he didn’t really mind as he “didn’t eat ice cream”.

Also under threat are; Pasteurised Milk, Pneumatic Tyres and most worryingly of all with Wimbledon starting next week, Deuce.

Tennis matches may need to be started again.
Tennis matches: Lazy players may just agree to a draw.

Tennis chiefs are considering whether to ban players for not trying hard enough, or to simply abandon matches once the score reaches 40-all.