Funny jokes that only theatre nerds would understand

They say that laughter is the best medicine, and we’re inclined to agree! Luckily, there’s jokes aplenty out there in theatre-land, from stand-up superstars to cheesy panto banter. Being the geeks we are, we can’t resist a theatre funny or two, so here are a few of our favourite jokes that only theatre nerds would truly understand…

1. Two neighbours in Stratford have a dispute about whose house is the authentic birthplace of William Shakespeare. Officials kept the peace by putting a plaque on both their houses.
2. A Stage Manager’s View of the World: The tech crew trips over clearly marked ledges. Actors trip over tape on the floor. Dancers trip over tape that was pulled up yesterday.
3. How do you drown an actress?
   Place a mirror at the bottom of a pool.
4. How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
   100 of course! 1 to screw the bulb in and 99 to stand around, saying, “It should be me up there!”
5. How many producers does it take to change a light bulb?
   Sorry, a new light bulb isn’t in the budget.
6. A sound technician, a lighting designer and a stage manager find an old lamp, backstage at the theatre. One of them gives it a rub, and out wafts a genie!
   “Since you all found me,” he says, “You each get one wish!”The sound technician steps up and says, “I wish to be sitting poolside in my own multi-million-pound mansion!” And POOF, he is gone.

   The lighting director takes his turn and says, “Well, I wish to be sitting on the beach on my own multi-billion-pound private island!” And POOF, he is gone.

   Then stage manager turns to the genie and says, “I wish to have them both back in 10 minutes.”

7. The funniest part of Macbeth is when the soldiers all cut a branch of a tree to hold in front of them while they march on the castle; pretending to be innocent trees instead of an army.

   The second funniest part is that it actually works.

   And a few one liners for luck…

8. A friend of mine got sacked as a set designer for not getting the work done. He didn’t make a scene.
9. Tried acting on a farm once. It went terribly; I got mooed off the stage.
10. Planning to open a new shadow puppet show. Business plan says we’ll make a fortune, but those are just projected figures.

    Whether they make you giggle or groan, if you have any funny theatre gags to add to our list, we’d love to hear them! Or perhaps leave the comedy to the experts and treat yourself to tickets for a professional stand-up show…
    Browse upcoming comedy shows here!